Monday, July 25, 2011

Two Steps Back

Today has been by far the most difficult day of this journey so far. Usually the doctor calls me at 9:30 to update me on Ava and let me know of any changes that are being made for her care. This morning he didn't call so I assumed all was well but called at 10 to check on her. I was informed that she had many apenic episodes overnight so they decided to move her back to CPAP and see if this helped. I was so upset to hear this news. I just couldn't stop crying. I know all too well that this is the NICU rollercoaster but it doesn't make it ANY easier to see her taking steps backwards.

I went to go see Ava at about 12:15. When I got there her nurse told me that she was continuing to struggle so they decided to put her on SiPAP. It's very much like CPAP but instead of just a continuous pressure, it also gives her breaths. The doctor talked to me a little bit and said that he was starting a new medicine to help her remember to breathe. He explained that these were the last few things they could do before they ended up intubating her. He thinks that the effects of the surfactant are wearing off and this is why she is having a hard time. I, of course broke down. I don't want this for her, I want her to move forward.

The RT's came to switch her to the SiPAP machine. As they were changing everything over, Ava completely stopped breathing. They tried stimulating her, giving her oxygen. Nothing worked. They ended up having to manually bag her and it still took forever to get her back up. Her oxygen saturations dropped to 17 and her heartrate was in the 50's. It was absolutely terrifying to watch as they worked on my baby girl and I could do nothing.

I am struggling with many emotions right now. Mostly anger and frustrating that I am doing this again. It is completely surreal to me. Right now we need prayers for Ava's PDA to close, for her breathing to get easier and for the meds she is on not to cause any negative side effects. If you can spare a couple extra prayers for me to have strength to get through this. Today I feel very weak. I have cried most of the day. I feel like I am falling apart inside.



13 comments:

Michelle Downs said...

Always praying for you Chelsea...and for your miracle babies. We love you!

Jacklyn and the Johnson Boys said...

Chelsea, we are Praying for you, and your precious little one! I love that you have this for us to follow along!! XO

Katie Ristow said...

Praying praying praying always for you and your Ava.

Anonymous said...

Saw your blog on a friend's FB page...lifting you and your baby up in prayer. Praying God would comfort you and heal her little body.

Steph said...

Chelsea, praying for you and baby Ava, and hoping your rollercoaster sees an UP soon! She is a strong little girl, and she will do great. Will continue to check this blog, and follow her progress on JM.


-Mumba/Steph

Shelly & Doug said...

Chelseabelle... There arew no words to describe how bad I feel for you, Ava and Joe. I know Joe gets to work and take his mind off things somewhat, but you are constantly thinking about little Ava. Doug & I are praying and hope for time for all the medications to work and for Ava to continue to grow and get healthy. We both love you and send BIG hugs and kisses your way. I love the old/ new blog. It helps keep everyone else informed. Take care of yourself.

Robin W. said...

Always thinking of little Ava! I hate hearing that she is struggling but she is strong and will have her ups real soon! As hard as it is, take it easy mama!

Robin from the DDC

Anonymous said...

I am a friend of Tami's and I saw her post on her FB page. I am praying for you and your family. I had twins at 26 weeks and they each weighed 1 lb 12oz and 1 lb 13 oz, they were in the nicu for 3 months. I know how you feel and exactly what you are going through!!! God Bless you and your sweet family.

Cheryl (Nate's mom) said...

Chelsea..praying for you and precious little Ava. You've had my prayers and have been in my thoughts since Tami told me you were in the hospital. My heart breaks for you but stay strong...God will see you and Ava through this.

Anonymous said...

New braunfels family wellness center is praying for her chelsea

Gina said...

Chelsea- I'm an RT on hiatus right now because I currently a SAHM to my 12 month old. I know first hand what you are going through and my heart goes out to you and your family. Try to keep in mind that in spite of the NICU roller coaster, your first miracle is alive and well and God will bring Ava through this roller coaster too. If he did it once, surely he can do it again! Father, I thank you for the medical interventions that you have allowed us to use to help these precious babies. I thank you that you are sovereign over this earth and that you have dominion in all situations. I pray healing for baby Ava and peace for her family. I thank you in advance for Ava's complete recovery and for the grace and mercy that you give to us so abundantly. In Jesus' mighty and powerful name, Amen. I will continue to pray for you and your family Chelsea!

Anonymous said...

God bless you and your baby! Your family is in my family's prayers!

Anonymous said...

Prayers as big as Alaska for you and your miracle baby!!