Ava turned 6 weeks old yesterday. What a long and tedious 6 weeks it has been. An emotional roller coaster to say the least. Just when I think we are doing well, we take another dip. Yesterday was one of those big, big dips. Ava had a really rough night Monday night with one episode after another. By morning the doctor decided that she needed a break and something had to change. After increasing her Dopram without much change, he put her back on Sipap. It was a hard pill for me to swallow. At six weeks old, I really thought we would be doing better than this. And we were so close last week. She was down to two liters of flow and getting feeds gavaged in preparation for breastfeeding. Now, just holding her would be a huge ordeal and breastfeeding won't be happening anytime soon. When things are going bad like this, I find it very difficult to cope. I can't change any of it and all I want to do is make her better. It kills me to not be able to do that. I want her thriving and home with me. But all I can do is be there for her and keep pumping. It's a strange reality to have, knowing that she WILL get there, because Travis did. So I know better than most people that it WILL happen, but yet, my emotions tell me that we are never going to move forward. She has done better since being put on Sipap, and I hope that she can regain her strength and be off of it soon. Please continue to pray for little Ava. She really needs to figure out this breathing stuff so that we can move forward.
2 comments:
I started following your blog recently. I have 24 week twins who are now 16 months old, so I know how difficult the steps back are. I'm praying that she will soon be taking only steps forward. She is so beautiful. Best wishes.
Poor little Ava! Im always thinking of her and you too mama!! Hopefully soon this will all be over and she will be in your arms at home, thriving!!
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