Have you ever watched a show on TV, maybe the Discovery Channel, or a 20/20 Special, that was so amazing, or sad, or traumatic, or whatever else, and thought to yourself that it could never happen to you? That it was only something that happened to
those people on
that show. Sometimes I feel like that is my life. That I am
those people. MOST people get pregnant, and 9 months later they bring home a healthy baby. That is obviously the expected outcome, or else people would probably be a lot more hesitant to have babies. Sometimes, even those healthy babies end up in the NICU for a day or two, or even a week. But most people don't spend the first few MONTHS of their babies lives afraid and not able to truly be their Mommies or Daddies. I think that we are all born with that feeling of being invincible. Of not thinking that bad things can happen to us. If we expected that all of the horrible things that could happen, WOULD, then we would live our lives in fear. It is what protects us from that and allows us to go about our daily lives, not being afraid of getting hit by a bus, or having a heart attack, or getting struck by lightening, or
having our baby born prematurely. In a lot of ways, I have lost touch with that feeling of being invincible, and when you no longer feel that way, the world becomes a very scary place. I don't know exactly what the point of this post is, except to say that we are NOT invincible, but it is ok to feel that way. It is ok to read this blog and feel thankful that it is not your life, and that you have healthy, beautiful children. In fact, I HOPE that it makes you feel that way. I would not wish this journey on anyone, and I know that a few people who are reading this right now HAVE been here, and have lived this life.
Onto Miss Ava, if you missed my post earlier this morning, it is just below this one. She is now back on the CPAP. She is also getting a blood transfusion. When I called to check on her, her nurse felt very strongly that the blood was going to help her a lot. I really hope that she is right. I know it helped Travis a lot every time he was transfused. I will keep you all posted but I am really hoping she has a short stay on the CPAP and can be back on a cannula soon. Here are the promised pictures.
4 comments:
Your first paragraphs makes total sense to me. Just wanted you to know! And that I am praying for you. XOXO.
The worst part about the NICU for me was not being able to be a real mom. That feeling still haunts me 4 years later. I think a part of me is always waiting for someone to come and take Jim away and put him back in a hospital. I wish you weren't having to go through this--I wish nobody ever had to go through this ever again.
THe beginning of this made me cry. It is seriously some hard truths that most people take for granted. While I have no experience with the NICU, I do know what it feels like to not be a mom to your child and to expect that in 9 months you will take your child home happy and healthy, it is not always the case.
We are thinking of you guys often and praying every day!
I know this feeling exactly. When I was pregnant with my twins, I watched 19 Kids & Counting and thought how horrible it was that she had to deliver her baby at 25 weeks. I remember feeling invincible. Then just a couple months later I delivered my twins at 24 weeks, and I suddenly was one of THOSE people!
Your daughter is precious. Best wishes to you all.
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